ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
