I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
