okay pat passed out under dana's car
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
