Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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