i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
