What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
