I bet he comes in French.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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