is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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