im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
