He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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