Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
