Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
