I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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