I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
