I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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