D3 body, D1 cock
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
