Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
