Define "chronic" masturbator.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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