Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
