Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
