I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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