cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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