Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
