either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
