Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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