Can i not drive my cunt home
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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