Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
