Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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