therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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