I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
