i permit you to call me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
