I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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