Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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