Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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