i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
