He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
