oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if only i could text you this smell
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize