She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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