My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We just shotgunned beers for America
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
