You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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