I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
