you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
