It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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