she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
