Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
