Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
