I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
