Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We need to rekindle our bromance
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
