I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
