He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize