i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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