Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
