My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
