remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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