what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
