Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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