Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
did i walk over a car last night?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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