Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
