She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
