watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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