I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
