My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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