and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dear god my vagina.
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