She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
high people should be assigned attendants
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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