There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
