What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
