my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
