no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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