And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
