Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
