God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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