I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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