She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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