Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
