If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
