People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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