As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
