I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
