I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
