nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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