every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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