is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
