I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
