I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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