GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
