I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
