3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
