how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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