smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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