I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
