Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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