Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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