My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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