It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
