what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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