apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
