Say something about gay babies.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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