My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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