Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
