he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize