you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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