I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
