So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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