Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Even my vagina gasped.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
